Dreams: Messages From The Unconscious MindPosted: October 10, 2012
Dreams have been one of the ways in which my unconscious mind has hinted to me that I was sexually abused as a child. There have been just a few occasions where dreams of this sort have occurred, and it’s usually when I am looking for answers in my waking life that they pop up. In fact, I had such a dream just this afternoon during a nap, and I can pinpoint two things that might have caused it to come forth: a conflict with a new male roommate who made an inappropriate sexual comment about my body, and dousing with my “tiger tooth chain” to ask questions about how early the sexual abuse started in my life and the extent of it.
Today’s dream was of my father entering my room to stare at me where I was sleeping naked. I was aware that he was doing this and although I was “awake” in the dream, I was unable to open my eyes in order to see him. I rolled around trying to cover my body as I yelled at him to leave, all the while struggling to open my eyes. I could feel him standing there, and when I finally managed to open my eyes I saw him doing exactly what I felt he was doing – standing in the doorway staring at my naked body and ignoring my vocal requests for him to go away. Now with eyes open I escaped to an ensuite bathroom where I could hide from him.
The theme is this dream is very similar to a more disturbing dream I had a few years ago. In that dream he is trying to peep at my naked body through a textured window pane as I take a shower in the basement of my parents’ house. His eyes are black like a zombie and he slowly presses his face up to the glass. He then enters the house and wanders around the basement like a zombie along with my zombie mother whose eyes are also black. This one had me waking up in hysterical tears. The peeping part of this dream actually happened in real life when I was 15, although at the time I didn’t know who the peeper was, but I could see the fresh footprints in the snow outside the window when I checked afterward. Not that this is proof that is was my father; the dream might be using this direct experience as an analogy.
Another very disturbing dream I had was in early March of this year, a week before I left for Peru. There was a very small, almost newborn baby, which then turned into a toy doll with moving legs and arms. The toy baby had blood and semen all over the crease where the right leg joins the body, and I was trying to clean it off, having to reach into the crease with tissue to get all the blood and semen off of it. I have another true life experience that this dream reminded me of: when I was about 11 years old, I had an enormous boil appear on the outer edge of my right labia which left a deep scar that I still have today. This was the exact location of the blood and semen on the baby in the dream. According to German New Medicine, anytime there is pus coming out of the body it means the person is feeling attacked and/or soiled.
And so it goes, piece by piece, information stored in my unconscious mind slowly leaks through to the surface, only telling as much as I can handle for the moment. I’m sure there is more to discover when it comes to my experiences of being sexually abused as a child, but sometimes I’m not sure I want to know.
~ “Nature is often obscure or impenetrable, but she is not, like man, deceitful. We must therefore take it that the dream is just what it pretends to be, neither more nor less. If it shows something in a negative light, there is no reason for assuming that it is meant positively.” – Carl Gustav Jung