What Do Rape and Gang-Bang Fantasies Mean?

"Rape Fantasy"

So, if you caught my first post on sexual fantasies, you’d already know that I’ve been reading Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies by Dr. Michael J. Bader to gain a bit of understanding about human sexuality and the impact of traumatic events on it. I’ll be sharing interesting bits of info as I read, and I thought this topic was worthy of a post.

This was always something I’ve wondered about. Why do some people fantasize about rape, when such an event would actually be traumatic? If you remember from my first post on the meaning of sexual fantasies, all fantasies serve to create the psychological safety required for sexual release, as mentioned Bader.

Here’s the deal with rape fantasies, which both men and women have reported, but which are much more common in women. Women are socialized to be objects of desire, not desiring subjects, which can make it hard for women to be ruthless lovers. They are often feeling guilty and worried.

Rape represents an act of overwhelming and controlling another, and so a woman fantasizing about a man raping her means that she feels she overwhelms and controls men, and needs a man so overwhelming that she couldn’t possibly hurt him.

Rape fantasies counter the belief that a woman is too strong for fragile men, that the woman’s needs and wants are too much for him. In a rape fantasy, she doesn’t need to protect him; he knows how to take what he wants so she can focus on getting what she wants.

Bader adds that “though the manifest script often puts her in a passive position, the underlying unconscious message is that she is guilty about being too much for a weak, limited, or inadequate man.”

Similarly, fantasies about gang-bangs derive from guilty feelings about being so “sexually voracious” that it takes numerous people to do the job. Women often have ruthless sexual fantasies of this type since women are socialized to feel guilt about their sexuality.

Does knowing all this kind of ruin it? I wonder how many men out there think their woman has rape fantasies because she just can’t get enough of him?

~ “Gender differences, though real, are not as profound as one might expect. The only relevant question is: what pathogenic beliefs do dominance and submission solve?” – Dr. Michael J. Bader

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2 Comments on “What Do Rape and Gang-Bang Fantasies Mean?”

  1. Sarah says:

    I’ve also wondered the same thing: how people could fantasize about such a traumatic event. This was really intriguing and I could see how that makes sense. Definitely something I would look more into. How is that book you are reading? That may be something I try reading.

    • Courtenay says:

      It’s a really interesting book. I’m only two chapters in but so far it’s challenging all my preconceived notions and helping me understand the impact that being sexually abused has had on my sexual expression. It makes a lot of sense, how a sexual fantasy works to balance out an opposing belief that creates an obstacle to safety. All our guilt and shame gets in the way of a very basic and essential need to express ourselves as the sexual beings that we are. Oh society! How much you’ve warped my mind!

      I highly recommend this book, but be warned – I’ve found that in understanding what my fantasies are rooted in, a lot of the “mysterious magic” disappears, and many of my favourite fantasies are starting to lose their “charge” once I understand the false beliefs they are rooted in. Fantasies can be a lot of fun and I’m actually a bit sad to see some of them go 😉


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