2012 has been quite a year for me. You know that old saying, “be careful what you wish for”? Well, I guess I was asking for it. I’ve had a number of breakthroughs occur for me this year, all of which in some way have reinforced the idea of the body’s synchronistic intelligence, an intelligence with the sole purpose of supporting our subjective and personal journey in life. In fact, the body is unconditional love and support manifest – even in a diseased state! This is not my opinion, this has been my experience.
It took me six months after the first moment of inspiration to finally begin to write this blog. I was stopped by self-doubt, depression, feelings of insignificance, embarrassment, worry about what others would think. The subject matter felt too personal, too taboo, too raw. But if I feel inspired to write about it, I know there are others out there who want or need to hear what I have to say. If I can inspire anyone out there to overcome an obstacle or trauma by finding the seat of their own power, then it will all be worth the risk of exposing my personal experiences. It was experiencing the seat of my own power that inspired me to write this blog is the first place.
I’ve been coming to terms with being raped, being sexually abused as a child by my own father, and all the messy aftermaths of these events. I’ve been overcoming drug addiction, post-traumatic stress, triggers, negative emotions, eating disorders, and feeling like a helpless victim. Ceremonial shamanic use of ayahuasca was instrumental in helping me heal, and the thought of where I would be today had I not made the trip to Peru in March actually scares me. Since returning from Peru I’ve attracted other sources of help into my life, and it is always comforting when they show me, yet again, that I have the power to choose my experiences. I have learned that no matter what state of being I have chosen in the past, that my body has been supporting me, regardless of the abuse I’ve inflicted on it. It has been the ultimate expression of love and acceptance. It has held everything that I could not handle or cope with. I can’t help but cry tears of gratitude when I consider what my body has held for me, patiently waiting for me to listen.
I hope you enjoy my posts, and can find within them the joy of knowing you are always supported, always loved, always whole, never separate, never flawed, never forgotten. Your body is speaking to you with every illness, every quirk, every oddity. It is a mirror of your psyche and spirit, and it speaks a strange sort of language, but within it is a simple logic. I intend to continue learning how to listen and share with you what I find, and I hope you will feel inspired to share with me your own experiences of your body’s unconditional love and how you’ve learned how to listen as well.
In love and gratitude,